Was reading one of the blog.. And read her previous posts.. Was indeed impressed by the courage that she had to move on from a 4 year plus to 5 year r/s.. She is someone that I really look up to.. Was texting her days before today and she asked about stuff that I still feel hurt about it till now.. Although I may have moved on, somewhat there is still some emotions left behind that just refused to leave.. It is a barrier at times and i got to overcome.. Being in a r/s, sometime will just change your life with one more extra person entering your life and things revolved ard you and him.. And then all of a sudden, everything was gone.. That feeling of lost is there and you just don't know how to fill it back that missing hole or person as you tried to move on.. Many things may just triggered your thoughts and think back of possibilities that could have happened or what you could have done.. Indeed for her, a 5 year long r/s and another short one that impacted her too, she is still standing strong and trying to move on, I am really impressed.. I fell once and then twice, harder and more painful the second time, I know I am struggling.. On the surface, everything is fine but at times, I know I am just not.. Because I am avoiding honestly, I just can't face some stuff till now.. Just can't.. I don't know when I could but then I know it will not be easy.. Just thoughts that I should just keep it to myself..
Wanting to share with a close friend but with so much unhappiness between us, I really don't know what to do next.. I can't bring myself to talking to her because I feel so embarrassed to the things that had happened.. Just screwed things up as always.. Sighs.. Shall just see how after my exams then.. Just don't want to lose this friendship..