I miss you. But I know I can't have you. Too much for me to let go. I would like to stay but I know I can't. I am so used to it. And it is like part of me. A part which I know I have to erase it, some way, some how. Nobody reads the mind. I never managed to. I know I was just a tool. But I don't know how to step back. They are always temporary files. I deleted but cookies stayed. Can't bring myself to delete everything. I just can't. 

Am I in love with the memories or do I still like him? Why come back into my life when I had lived so much better the past 3 years? Is it the feelings? I hate myself for this.

Over the years, thinking changes so much so that I feel that I am no longer than little girl which how I would used to view the world.. I am a young adult.. going through a certain process but not an adult yet... people change.. and slowly our thinkings will drift apart.. no longer close when we were used to because of thinking.. some friends will understand you and some who used to might no longer understand you.. how amazing when each of us grew up and things or relationships just change......

Pretty thankful that it is all clear to me. Because it is not worth at all to even give a try. Really. Although I miss the times, it is all in the past. Friends remains as friends. It is the best state for sure. Because I have seen a side which it is not worth it for me after all. I moved on as said. And now I need to make it clear to myself that I should stop doing stupid things. No hope at all, girl. Live my life as to how I want it to be. Happy and satisfied with what I have and am in now. I am interested in getting to know someone but how do I start doing it? Haha. 

I learned to give up and let go as it does not belong to me. No looking back and no turning back. I made a mistake in my actions. Regret but what's done is done. It made me feel worse for that few days then it came clear to me. It is time to let go, girl. Because you have lost. Lost the game.

Looking at my past posts, I know I have failed. Badly. I don't expect much because higher expections lead to greater disappointments. Shall just let things flow as the way it will be.

Many things happened over the months.. Ended my year 2 sem 2, partying like crazy with the ppl I love and working like as if I am broke (although I have always been). Way too much things. Slowly everyone is having and living their own lives. Have not seen some of them for months. As we grow up, many things tends to change. Friendships start to drift apart sometimes. It wasn't like school days.
Thinking back, some things you will just missed the way they were and was satisfied back then. Now, as things change, it doesn't stay the way it should be.
Some things are worth to hold on. Some are just meant to let go. Now I start to question myself: what do I really want from my life?
I missed the time back then. And I miss someone which I thought I have let go. But no, when knowing that things change. Chance only happened once. Do I go for it? Or should just forget about it?
It is important to grab chance but is it the right choice? It might backfire as that's what I feel. Is it worth the try? I have no idea.
Knowing that I do miss what I had. But is it right to start all over again if the chance is there for me to grab? I can say that I still miss you. I'm sorry.