I don't know what else to say but just purely disappointed with my own actions.. Something that I regret doing and will never ever do it again.. It just make me loses trust.. I tried pushing away and I know I failed.. These actions are just to remind me the ugly and disgusting side of people... I am at fault too and I know it.. Why did I even do it? Blame it on myself...
I knew I had held it long enough.. Long enough for me to realise that it is no longer worth it to ponder and think.. It just flowed with the stupid actions.. So yeah, just let it all out and I know that I will no longer miss what I used to miss..
Conversation with my colleague made me think a lot.. It's something that no one will know how it will happen in the future.. And to think back, I lost the trust I used to have after things happened.. I will have to make it successful...

It's march..... last year at this time, i was unofficially graduated from SP.. and now, i am in NUS... time really flies... i was starting to work one year ago and didn't know what to do at work.. i remember i email him as he is in Taiwan... can't believe so many things changed over 1 year.. can u imagine? just 1 year.. from a very close 'couple' to just ordinary close friends now? how much things we been through in that 1 whole year? so much, so clear that i can remember almost every details of them.. too much memories.. at the same time, i was excited about the trip to Macau... so much things to do at that time.. early part of last year was an indeed a great start.. and many wonderful pages of my life being written.. these few days, i have been thinking about it.. i mean, maybe because i didn't have the taste of what is it like, therefore telling myself that it was a good thing that we didn't get tgt... to think back, it sounds a bit ridiculous but it's not wrong either.. i don't really see a common thing that we can work for or towards in the future.. i don't know is it the age is catching up on me to think this way.. i feel that i am not longer young to just do things on impulse and i have to consider what will happen next if i do this.. likewise, i don't know what will it be like if we were tgt.. i don't feel secure with a guy without any plans in mind for the future... sound a bit nonsensical right? but that's what i feel... it is like practically picking a future husband now.. it could be a case of sour grapes in one way of other bah.. oh well, i do feel a bit guilty after saying that.. in any case, it should not bother me anymore.. =) but there is just 1 thing: i can confidently say that i am 99% over him but that 1% remains and never go away... that 1% makes me think of the what ifs at times and just purely missing the memories.. well, still strong enough to withstand that so not of a problem at all.. i don't know how he feel but to me, these memories made are just shared between the two of us and i do believe it applies to all relationships.. even if the next guy comes along, it will never replace what i used to have with him.. it is the period of time in life that will stay as it is and the common memories that we have.. this is really interesting when i thought back about it.. bringing up all these with him do make me missed those crazy times and nights together.. whether he treasure it or not, it does matter at times but no longer my concerns for now.. as long as i am happy with myself, who cares.. hehe.. it may be to me the most unforgettable memories.. now, i am standing alone facing the world... from where i fell, i stood up and moved on alone.. it is sth that definitely make me stronger.. =)
this month is a busy month.. birthdays to attend and going for a short getaway with my lovely aunties!!! hehehe!!! just that, school work is piling up and really stressed of what to type in reports.. zzz... hopefully can just clear it asap... =)

January was way too slack for me.. 9 days of school and really don't have the sense of school started.. A month that I had experienced a few new stuffs.. Joined Muay Thai as cca.. Finally worked for UCC and also got a promoter job from an event company.. Tried out waxing at strip.. Pain but still can tahan.. Way too many things.. But still had fun in one way or another.. Hehehe..
Spent ALOT too.. Really way too much.. If I have not spend away these money, I could have just say ok to Taiwan.. :( sad max.. Was like so tempted to go!!! I got the cash for flight and accommodation (maybe) but meals there, I doubt so.. :( regrets.. For what I spent so much.. I think like half of the stuffs are wants and not needs.. I need to change my bad habit.. This habit has costed me too much.. Way too much.. Sighs.. Oh well, now I hope I can get my items if not my money back for the missing registered postage.. Seriously? Registered postage leh.. Can actually not reached me... Don't know who is dreaming.. The seller or the postman.. And the customer service lady sounded a bit rude sia.. Tsk.. Shall just wait for the delivery receipt then..
The start of feb was alright.. :) although I am like kinda tight on cash, hopefully will be better after getting my allowance and pay.. No more shopping unless for the needs.. I even bet on no purchase on stuff that beautify myself.. I must be out of my mind.. But true, it does save me some money.. Haha.. Let's see if I can last till July.. I believe I can!! :D

yes! it's 2012.. i know i am like posting this quite late but still it's 2012!! haha.. well, the countdown party with my colleagues and the new friends i made were great!! on the 1st jan 2012, i spent it at Batam with my family.. =) this year just starts off well.. hehe.. nobody will know how the year will be.. as long as live happily and with no regrets i guess that's what i want for now..
so far, 2012 has been good to me.. so not much to worry.. i am free, single and happy as before.. =) the big step of putting the past away from my mind had made me just carefree.. and less a responsibility.. haha!! with no commitments, i live my life as what i want.. but i have been spending ALOT!!! going to be so broke... i seriously don't know where all my money goes to.. to think back, should be on food, clothes and alcohol... sighs.. spent really a lot.. this year, i shall stop my shopping and not buy anything till the month of June when i am going to work.. seriously, i can't believe i spent so much!!! i should really have a stop button..
how interesting that i don't feel the same way when i see him again.. i guess i really let go and move on.. =) even though life may seem fine to me now, i hope i don't get tangled into anything for the time being.. i am afraid that i can't take anymore.. oh well...
just this: was it just purely flirting?

Yup! I am not longer feeling the same way I used to feel.. Looking in a totally different perspective.. Well, it took me quite some time this time but I did it alone.. I moved on :) seeing him doesn't make me feel awkward or the i-miss-him feeling.. Nope! :) great to end my 2011 this way.. So much happier and carefree now.. Listening to his problems just make me think that he had just gotten himself into another trouble.. Haha.. And he changed.. The clique feel so much closer now.. Like what I always think, if he never take the first step, no one can communicate with him..
Really glad that the BBQ was a success.. Although with the rain, it was the time that I believed each of us enjoy being there.. :) i guess he changed for the better.. But with the problems he said, he changed for her but is it for the better? In some ways yes but on the other hand, he will lose his real self someday.. Really.. I just got this feeling.. Oh well, none of my business and not my concerns.. As long as everyone is happy and he is happy with everyone, it will be just great! :) problems should always be brought up early to prevent any more misconceptions or misunderstandings.. It seems fine on surface.. But is that really true?? Some words to consider..
As for now, I hope that I can end off my 2011 good and have and awesome start to my 2012.. This year had its ups and downs.. From school to family to work and to relationship.. But everything happen for a reason and purpose.. I learned as I grew up this year.. Many interesting and fruitful lessons.. Many smiles and tears.. But this will be my 2011.. Last year, I spent my last day of 2010 and first day of 2011 with the guy I had fallen for.. And the same guy had brought me both smiles and tears in 2011.. This marks my life in 2011.. All i could say is to be thankful for the memories as these are the things that lasts.. This last day of 2011 I am spending with people that are strangers but hopefully it will be fun! :)
I have all my new year resolutions in mind and will try my best to fulfill them.. ;) this could be my last post for 2011.. I know that i had lived my 2011 the best i could.. There are things i would like to change.. To live it all over again? I will still live it as what it was but with all the what ifs.. However, I have no regrets! And I am happy with who and what I am till now and all the things I did.. I will definitely learn from the mistakes I made but at the same time not forgetting the good things that happened too.. :)
Happy 2012 to people who have been reading my blog!! :D a new year, a whole new experience.. Write your own story, live it the way you want and with no regrets! :)

Yeah.. A month of joyful festive season.. Well, working for this season and trying to make my last month of 2011 more worthwhile an meaningful.. Last year, it was a sweet, lovely and wild month.. This year, it changed and just within a year.. Oh well.. People say if you are thinking of revenge after a broken relationship, most probably you still can't get over the person and miss them.. Sighs.. I don't know.. Really.. Freaking 3 months plus.. Thought I moved on but sometimes I feel I am stuck.. Just stuck to where I was before.. I don't know what I am feeling now.. Hate? No. Like? Confirm not. Miss? Maybe. It could be just miss.. Well, I guess I was strong enough not to drop any more tears after once.. I won't say 2011 was a crap year because the year started great.. It just changed as the months passed.. And now, I am not lonely, I am just alone. I guess I can say that.. I have friends that care and family that love me.. Whether am I falling in love or out of love, all these won't change.. This has been a year of ups and downs.. May it be in school, work or relationship.. Yeah, I had my share of it.. I just got to end this year right to start my 2012 brand new.. Have planned out what resolutions I have for 2012.. For 2011, I didn't complete much of it either.. Maybe push forward to 2012 :P as I only left with 2 weeks.. But 1 thing I must do it before 2011 end is to sort out my feelings and get myself to really move on before the clock strike 12am.. It is not going to be easy.. Really, I admit and confess.. Hopefully I can do it.. :)

Here I am, my first day of holidays and the end of my sem 1 in NUS... Well, it just seemed like I just smuggled it through and like the efforts put into study is not there at all.. My results will reflect directly the efforts I put in... Each time I see my notes, I just feel like sleeping and no mood to study at all.. The concentration level is very low. Till an extent that I can't believe I am that bad... Oh well... This year isn't going to end of that nice I guess.. Started off my sem with a very bad start from all the emotions and problems.. Physically I am fine but I know mentally and emotionally I am strained, drained and broken... Sometimes in class, my thoughts just drifted away.. So does when I am studying.. And I really hate this side of me.. I just like stuck in the past sometimes and couldn't move on.. But my brain is forcing me to move and my heart not... As for now, I am really tired of this.. And I just wanna to concentrate on my studies.. Let this year end off like this and 2012 will be a new and refresh year for me.. A start of a new sem, a start of a new me.. Growing my hair long again... Back to the good girl I was used to be.. A girl that should just only know how to study and nth else... Ever since I cut my hair short.. Too many memories and pain sometimes that will just ruined my mind... But I just got a feeling that I will snap my hair away anytime again.. Haha.. We shall see how long I can tahan long hair... Growing it back long is not easy.. It just train my patience I guess... Uni is never easy and therefore I got to put in 10x of hard work to get what I want and to earn that results.. So yeah, now just gonna to chill for the next 5 weeks and plan my holidays well and at the same time, to get you out of my mind.. I am not missing you that often and I am just doing fine without you.. Although there are times that I just wanna to ask how are you, I just don't have the courage because of the situation we are in now.. Are we still friends? That's something that I just wanna know..